1-26-12

I’m starting to contemplate whether or not I should stop pumping and start giving Ruby cow’s milk 100%. After she hit the one year mark we started slowly incorporating cows milk in with my breast milk, first 30/70 and then 50/50. She’s taken to it fine and  I cut back on the number of times I pump, including pumping at work. It’s so nice not to have to deal with hauling my pump and everything around. My supply maintained itself for a few weeks and then about a week ago things took a dip. Now I am lucky if I get 4 ounces total from both breast each time I pump. I’ve even gotten as low as only 2 oz.

I’m going to give it another week and see if my supply picks up from my trip home. If not, I think I am going to stop. I’m ready to stop. Before I felt kind of guilty about it but I’ve gotten over that. I know Ruby will do just fine on milk and that she’s already received a lot of the benefits from being fed breast milk so long. I only have slight concerns with how my hormones will shift and whether or not I will suddenly put on weight from stopping. Lord knows I don’t need any help in that department.

 

1-25-112

Just got back from Minnesota last night. It was a fairly drama-free trip, which I haven’t been able to say for a while. On the plane ride up Ruby behaved fairly well, with only one minor meltdown. I was grateful that I booked a spot at the back of the plane and even more grateful that the seat next to me didn’t get filled and we were able to spread out a bit. If she hadn’t been able to sit next to me…oh boy. It would have been a disaster. (On the way home it was a similar sitation-seat at the back, no one next to us. She was GREAT on the way home, I was so grateful)

It was cold (-20 with windchill) but it could have been colder (right, Missus Gamgee?) with only a couple of inches of snow on the ground. Looks as though the tempreture had been above normal. Until Ruby and I decided to show up! Oh well. My Minnesotan kicked in as soon as we got off the plane and it didn’t bother me. Ruby didn’t seem phased by the weather either.

 Ruby had a field day at my parents house which is the definition of NOT child-proof. I was constantly trying to make sure that she wasn’t getting into something she shouldn’t. Up the stairs, down the stairs to the basement, dog food, dog water, yarn cabinets, potted plants, toilets, and a nasty toilet brush. Which she was obsessed with. Nasty. My biggest concern was the fire stove my parents have in the corner of their living room. She kept trying to touch it no matter how many times I told her ‘no’, moved her away from it, and tried to explain to her that it was not safe for her to go near it. And you know how well a one-year-old listens…..

My parents have two dogs, two German shepherds. Ruby was so exited about them, she squealed with happiness every time they were around and would point to them and say ‘kitty!”. I was slightly concerned with how they would be around her, especially their black GS, Gabe. My parent adopted him from a GS Rescue place about 3 years ago and when they first got him he was very skittish and anti-social (he’d been beaten severely by a previous owner), the first few times I saw him he wouldn’t even come near me. But my parents have really worked with him and he’s like a completely different dog. He’s good with my sister’s (way more obnoxious) kids  and he was wonderful with Ruby. He let her “pet” him and he’d even take food out of her hand without so much as a nibble to her little fingers. One time I even caught her sharing food with him as he ate out of his bowl. I about crapped myself but nothing, he didn’t growl or anything.

It was a busy week. I spent time with my mom and dad during the day and then after Ruby went to bed I would borrow my parent’s car and go over to my brother’s house to hang out with him and his wife. We watched Ghostbusters II, Larked* on the frozen lake, and enabled each other’s sugar addictions by having Candy Cane Blizzards at Dairy Queen. I also spent time with my Grandma (her friends at her senior assisted living facility LOVED Ruby) and my sister who used me as her guinea pig for some thing she’s learning at beauty school. One of my eyebrows is a little…off…but I have cute red toenails now!

Then the week was over and it was time for us to go home. It’s always mixed. I’m happy to be going home to see AH (he never comes with me) but I am really sad about leaving my family. Right before we leave I always contemplate having a serious talk with AH when I get home about moving back to Minneapolis. It makes me sad to think that I will probably never live there again (AH is a wimp when it comes to the cold). I loved it so much! And then I get home and back to our house and then I’m not so sure. I just hate missing so much with my family. But then I’d miss things here too. It really sucks.

 

*What is larking you ask? Y’know those scooters that the elderly use? There’s a brand called Lark. My brother’s buy them cheap off Craigslist, supe them up, and ride them around town oftentimes dragging each other around behind them on skateboards, sleds, or skis, depending on the weather. It was freezing cold but it was a lot of fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Just a note though. Chucks are NOT conducive to subzero tempretures. My toes were probably pretty close to some kind of frostbite by the time we were done. 

1-17-12

In just a few hours I will be on a plane with Ruby headed to Minnesota to see my family. Last night I couldn’t sleep because all of the sudden I became paranoid about the plane going down during the flight. I kept thinking about what I would do/say to Ruby to comfort her as we went down. Ugh. I always get a little paranoid before a flight, how those heavy-ass panes get off the ground and stay in the air is beyond me, but usually I can force myself to NOT think about it lest I induce an anxiety attack over the whole thing.

All that aside (because I’m not going to think about that anymore) I am trying to have a better attitude about how this flight will go. Not exactly looking forward to being on a plane with a squirmy 1-YO but I am going to cross my fingers that things go well (please go better than last time) and that the seat next to me at the back of the plane remains empty. That will be instrumental to Ruby’s enjoyment of the flight. Ample books and snacks will also be provided in attempt to appease the she-beast.

The weather in MN is a balmy -10  with the windchill. Woo! The weather had been unseasonably warm-up until this week. Figures. Since it’s 55 here at home I am packing our coats and putting them on before we leave the airport in Minneapolis. Ruby hates her puffy winter coat…and her hat…and I haven’t even had to attempt gloves yet!

1-11-12

Today I spoke with the director of the AO about how things have been going with me in my new position and what the plans were for me as far as the next few months go. (a staff member will be going on maternity leave and I will be taking over some of her duties). I ended up going into some personal things with her about my struggles with balancing things in my life and since she is an artist and a mother she completely understood where I was coming from. She dealt with the same thing but she chose to take time off from her   art and dedicate herself to her child, only coming back to dance in the last year or so. Although it would be really awesome to just give myself permission to back away from art completely right now I really don’t think that is a good idea. Despite my struggles I feel something inside of me that is yearning to come out, to be released. And honestly, if I gave myself permission to step back, would I ever return?

After our staff meeting I spent some time making my little ceramic cells. They’re nothing new and innovating but at least I am making something. I am hoping to sign up for a ceramics class back at my alma mater that starts in the next month. It will be nice to be back in my old classroom, which I miss dearly, and to be around other working artists. Access to the kiln will be nice too!

1-10-2012

Ruby is over her sickness and back at daycare. It’s officially her first day in the 1 year old room. No more baby room for my little girl. Strangely, I feel more emotional about this little milestone than I did about her first birthday. I guess it’s just one more thing telling me that she is growing up way too darn fast. I have no doubt that she’ll do well in the new room. All of the kids in that room love her. They were always so exited to see her when I bring her through to the baby room and would yell out, “Rubeeeee!” It’s adorable.

Up until this point we have been bringing Ruby’s food from home but now I am going to let her eat the food that daycare provides. Not only will it be one less thing for me/AH to do in the evening (getting her food ready) but it will be a good lesson in me letting go of a little control. I can’t control everything that she eats all the time. We’ve been reassured that sugary snack are not served 99.9% of the time (sugar is my biggest concern) and they gave us a list of things that they serve which seems to be reasonable.

Considering my addiction to sugar I realize not wanting her to much sugar is a little hypocritical of me but I am really trying to cut back on my sugar intake. Ignoring the Mint Oreos I ate last night after dinner I didn’t have any other……oh yeah..and that Mt. Dew at lunch…..oh, and that Milky Way Midnight on break…..Well shit. Okay, so I am trying to cut back on my sugar. And sadly, a Mt. Dew, a candy bar, and half a dozen Oreos is cutting back for me.

Even if my sugar intake is still higher than it should be I have at least been exercising. On Saturday I took a P.ure Bar.re class (kind of like a mixture of pilates and strength training, while occasionally using a barre and a few ballet moves) with some of my friends. I’ve wanted to try the class for a while but I’ve been a bit intimidated by the size 0 chicks I always see coming and going from the studio. I went though and really enjoyed it. I really felt it the next day in a hurts-so-good kind of way. It’s a shame that the classes are $20 each otherwise I’d keep going. Sunday I walked with Ruby and yesterday I dusted off my copy of 30-Day Shred and did it for the first time. Thanks for the ass kicking, Jillian!

Slowly but surely I will get there. My first big goal is 20 pounds. When I hit that goal I am going to sign up for adult ballet lessons. Something I always wanted as a kid but my parents could never afford.  I am super psyched about that