Today I spoke with the director of the AO about how things have been going with me in my new position and what the plans were for me as far as the next few months go. (a staff member will be going on maternity leave and I will be taking over some of her duties). I ended up going into some personal things with her about my struggles with balancing things in my life and since she is an artist and a mother she completely understood where I was coming from. She dealt with the same thing but she chose to take time off from her art and dedicate herself to her child, only coming back to dance in the last year or so. Although it would be really awesome to just give myself permission to back away from art completely right now I really don’t think that is a good idea. Despite my struggles I feel something inside of me that is yearning to come out, to be released. And honestly, if I gave myself permission to step back, would I ever return?
After our staff meeting I spent some time making my little ceramic cells. They’re nothing new and innovating but at least I am making something. I am hoping to sign up for a ceramics class back at my alma mater that starts in the next month. It will be nice to be back in my old classroom, which I miss dearly, and to be around other working artists. Access to the kiln will be nice too!
Every now and then I wonder if I should just pack it in with my writing. I’m so inconsistent and not very focused right now, but then I think about how hard it would be to get back into it in the future if I leave it entirely… it’s like a muscle that needs to be exercised or it will turn to flab. At this point, I feel like I’m doing the equivalent of the occasional jumping jack or deep knee bend, but no real heavy lifting. My gut instinct is to tell you to stick with it, even a little bit. I love the idea of a class… so much motivation/inspiration can derived just from being around other artists.